R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Randomize
