His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
