Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize