There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that