In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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