In the future we'll all be gay
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
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The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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