my mouth tastes like poor choices
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
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Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on