My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.