that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just had sex bonerless
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
