to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
