we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
