it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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