textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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