i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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