dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
