Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
