It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
