He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize