I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
