Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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