Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Randomize
