piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
