i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
