I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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