I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
