you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
