Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
