Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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