At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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