I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
