So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
