Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
