SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
