Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
