You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
