So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
