you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
