God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
