Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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