Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
