i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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