Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
