She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
