I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
