it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
only if we run a train.
done.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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