is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
