We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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