i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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