Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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