took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
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If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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