I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
