then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
