just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Randomize
