Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
