I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
