Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
