he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
