i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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