i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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