I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
