I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
