you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
