youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
