conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
