Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
