Sry I called you an 8
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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