....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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