were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
