Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
