You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
