just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
