idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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