I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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