I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
