thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Vodka?
Forever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
