so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
